...why are blacklights blue?...

The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland

You only get one life and 99% of the time, there are no “do-overs”. And when you don’t take an opportunity that life gives you, someone else will take it from you. They will be the ones that get to benefit from it. Not you. Then all you’re left with are the regrets and “what ifs”… We make these excuses to feel better, but sometimes, we’re just lying to ourselves. Opportunity only knocks once and it doesn’t wait before it leaves. And if you don’t hurry and answer the door, it will go find someone who will.

In the end, regrets are the ones that come knocking. And unlike opportunities, they don’t leave. They stay on your doorstep and remind you that you made the wrong choice.

Here are some of mine…

Summer 2005:

We didn’t take too many band trips when I lived in New Jersey. We went to competitions, but they were drives away.

With military parents, you can usually expect to live in a place for 3 years. That was norm. 2005 was our year to move again. It would happen at the end of the summer. It was definite and inevitable; no ifs, ands or buts.

That was the summer that my band would take the trip of a lifetime. They were set to tour Europe. From England to Wales, Austria to Italy, and so many places in between. All my life, all I ever really wanted to go was Europe. This was my chance. Words could not describe how much I wanted to go on this trip. However, the military had other plans for my family.

My mom told me that we would be moving in early August. That was when the band was supposed to be getting back. Since we didn’t know exactly what day we would have to move, I had to pass on the trip.  Looking back now, if that were the case, I don’t understand why I couldn’t just meet them in Florida. But that’s life, right?

On top of that, the band got back 3 days before we moved. I could’ve gone. But I didn’t.

I regret not going. It hurts. I really wish I would’ve gone.

Fall 2005:

In fall of 2005, I moved to Crestview, Florida. It was a month into the school year and 3 months into the band year already. The band was going to perform at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this year. Along with that, they were going to spend a few days in New York to enjoy what it has to offer; from a Broadway show to Ellis Island and everywhere in between. Mr. Dunn told my parents that I was more than welcome to come even if I wasn’t in the actual performance.

Over that last 3-4 months, each band member had been raising funds so that they could go. They had about 5-6 months to raise the money. I had 2. No, not even 2.
But my parents said that they would help me pay for it if I wanted to go.

I was new and this band intimidating the shit out of me. I went from a cozy 45-member band in New Jersey to a jaw-dropping 350-member band in two weeks. This band was required to be able to play 15 major scales within 2 minutes. They got invited to perform in the Macy’s Fricken Thanksgiving Day Parade. Not only that, but they would be the band that would bring in Santa Claus.

I wasn’t comfortable here yet. I didn’t know anyone. I remember giving my parents some lame excuse. “I’ve already been to New York. It’s okay.” I’m pretty sure they could see it in my eyes that I really wanted to go. But it was expensive. And I knew that.

When the band got back from New York, they were ecstatic. Many of them had never even been out of Florida. We watched the parade that day in class. This band had been part of something huge. People all over the United States got to see them perform.

I regret not going. It hurts. I really wish I would’ve gone.

Spring 2007:

Sometime towards the beginning of my Junior year, I received a letter in the mail. It was from the People to People Student Ambassador Program. It wasn’t the first one that I had received; I remember getting one a few years before. But I was in high school now. I wanted to say that I’ve done something. And this time around, they were going to Europe.

Life has a funny way of making things happen. This was life telling me that I had another chance to take a trip to Europe. And I didn’t want to lose that again.
I wasn’t going to be able to make the meeting. I was in Tampa and too far away, but it wasn’t going to stop me. After a couple emails, I got an over-sized envelope in the mail. In it, was an application and information about the trip. Along with the price tag.

Hila was telling me about the time she went to Australia with this group. It was one of the memorable things she had ever done. To her, it was worth every penny. And I knew it would be the same for me.

I was all set to go. Next spring I would be touring England, Belgium, Switzerland, Germany, France and the Netherlands.  But as time caught up with me, so did my lack of money. I got lazy. I admit it. When you set goals, you need to keep up them and I didn’t. My parents didn’t have the money to help out with this one. It was a lot more expensive than going to New York for 5 days.

I regret not going. It hurts. I really wish I would’ve gone.

Present Day:

I need to make a choice. I want to do something extraordinary. Something that people look at me and say “you’re crazy, but that’s great”. And that’s what they did say when I said that I might transfer up to UAF in Alaska.

I’m so tired of Florida. I’m tired of the humid hot summers that seem to never end. And I’m tired of being here. Maybe it’s just because I’m not used to staying in one place for more than a few years.

I got spoiled this past summer. Our trip up to Alaska changed my life. The beauty. The people. The adventure of a lifetime. I saw nature outside of captivity. I was feet away from bears and bison with nothing separating us except for a car door. I saw mountains and trees that stretched for miles. Plains with no buildings in sight; just the road in front of us.

Natural beauty was given a whole new definition in my book.

It’s a different world up there. Not even just in Alaska, but the Northwest in general.

I have a choice that needs to be made. An opportunity. And I know that I should take it. That I need to take it. I need to take it.

I’m going to make some people sad. But I’ve known too many opportunities that I’ve let pass me by. And I’ve known too many regrets to have another one. My mom’s ultimatum is that I move there this fall or never. I have the opportunity to study up in Alaska and get in-state tuition from my parents being in the military. I need to take it.

I’m going to miss my friends. I know that. I’ve had to leave friends behind before. But my mom is right. As much as I hate to say it, she is about this: Friends only last so long most of the time. After college, we’re going to move on anyway. Go our separate ways. I loved my friends in New Jersey. My life was going to end if I had to leave them. But I did. And I feel like we don’t talk anymore. Communication is a two-way street. I know. But when you move, things change. People change. I’ve changed. We don’t have as much in common as we used to. They willalwaysbe my friends. They have all left their footprints on my heart. But we’ve moved on. And I know that my friends here can do the same with time. And so can I.

It’s a little different graduating with someone. And living with someone at college. They become a lot closer than just friends. I know that we will keep contact. Thank God for the Internet.

But I have to think about what I’m doing after college. I love my friends, but my mom’s right; they can’t influence my life or else I won’t be going in the direction that I wanted to go before I met them.

I LOVE you guys. I really do. And I want you to know that and remember it. But I need to make this decision. And I cannot live with another opportunity knocking and me not answering. I cannot live here thinking “what if I did transfer up to Alaska?”. I need to take this chance.

Please don’t be mad at me.

I know I will regret not going. It will hurt. If I don’t, I will really wish I would’ve gone.

I need to make a choice.

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the ones who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t. And remember that everything in life happens for a reason… If you get a chance TAKE IT, if it changes your life, then LET IT. No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it…

They promised it would be worth it. And I believe them.